Woman driver who was smoking

Everyday for work I travel by metro or bus. So this is an incident that happened while i was travelling in a bus, and following this small incident, i was forced to think, "why did this happen?"
In a bus i saw really old women in her mid 50s with a young man, may be in this 20s whos upper body was completely plastered .He could barely move his arm which was fractured too. He had swelling on his face and his fingers. And he wore a "ghamcha" wrapped around his head to save him from sunlight and chappals in his feet. The women was also carrying a small girl child, may be 4 years old who wore just a dirty vest and brief, and no chappals in the scorching summers of May in Delhi. All of us were travelling in AC bus. By looking at the young man I was terrified and thought what could have happen to him. And was more terrified by thinking what if he is the only earning source in the family. The girl child was earlier sleeping and was later woken up by her mother who wanted to shift and move to a place where people standing in the bus couldn't push her son. To my surprise she was plump, but dirty allover. Then she started crying and mother payed no attention to her. She was not at all important to her for a moment and mother was relaxed after shifting her seat and making his son comfortable. This act turned my thinking of his son being the source of income stronger. 
And then our bus reached a toll plaza. There she saw a women driving a car and smoking too, proudly tapping her cigarette on her window pane to drop off the ashes. And to my surprise again, this old woman was breathless for a moment and in a complete shock. She asked her son too to look outside the window, who could barely turn his head. her eyes were stuck to that lady in the car, and as the car moved so did her eyes.
At this moment, I smiled a little and a thought came in my mind. A women who was not moved by the constant crying  of her 4 year old half naked girl, was completely taken over by a metropolitan women showing off her freedom in the busy hours.
Of course she was more taken over by the fact she was smoking and not only driving. 

There exists restrictions or you may call them so called protocols a woman must follow to have a tag of "cultured lady" behind her back in every kind of the society that survives,whether poor or rich. But  none for a man, that is why when a man breaks a rule it doesn't catches the attention or is forgotten soon. Sometimes it is related to his manliness as well-"A man can break the rule and create new ones".But for woman breaking the rule always come with a shock and a label of "indecent, non -cultured etc etc".
I and other women passenger too saw her but were not shocked, we simply looked at her.why? May be because this is not something new to us or there is some sense or equality within us- that if man can do, whats wrong if a woman is doing. But is the second reason really true. I think deep down we too also thought her to be not a good lady. 
I think we have accepted that when a man does wrong, its alright as he would never be denied respect that comes to him from his money and status. But when a women does the same thing, she just cant have it. 
Fighting for equality or projecting that you belong to a modern thinking doesn't mean you have to do something wrong, which is primarily done by a man. After all if smoking kills holds true than it not gender biased statement. It can kill both man and a woman.

The message behind this incident, that we live in male dominant society is nothing new. And balance being the integral part of nature, doesn't exist in our society simply because society was never meant to be part of nature. It has been created for our convenience, to fulfill our desires of relation that took birth because of our need-needs of emotion, to have sense to being attached, to be loved, to be wanted. All this took place as our brain evolved more than the brains of other animals.
The thinking of "male dominant society" and all other kinds of associated emerging thoughts and action, doesn't need to change completely to bring down crimes against women. They want to be called as kings, so be it. But what is essential is just a sense of respect and treating them just humanly. Nothing extra. And also stop turning themselves from turning from human to animals.

Its a long battle of equality. And it can come with education and values. Home violence need to be stopped as it projects the idea, that a man can beat a woman in a male child and a woman is meant to be beaten by a man in a female child. Equality needs to be practically taught and inculcated in our kids. Only then tomorrow we can have equality in our society

Overestimate v/s Underestimate

"We tend to overestimate what we can do in a short period, and underestimate what we can do over a long period"

An individual who wishes to excel, always tries to learn something new, learn from mistakes, make somebody his or her idol, follows principle. But many fail in doing so. And that is simply because we want to do all that at once. Remember tomorrow will be bright, if you learn to break the darkness in present. Do it step wise and in most convenient way as per your wish. But do it, bit by bit.

I remember I was having issues to getting up in morning and going for a walk. I had set up three alarms at 15 minutes difference. Every night i slept with this idea that i will wake up in the morning and step out of my house and go for walk. But i repeatedly kept failing to do so. A month was over and I hadn't went out not even once. So I decided tomorrow i will just try to wake up and not go outside. I had my alarms on. In morning i woke up on my first alarm at 6 am and was sitting in my balcony. Just simply sitting, observing the beauty of morning freshness and mild sunlight, birds chirping and watching some newspaper walas and some old uncles going or returning from their morning walks. By watching all this I was filled with strong desire for stepping out. But i stopped myself and kept sitting there enjoying the morning. And next day without failure, I woke up at 6, got dressed up and stepped put.

I was able to do so because  I had broken a hard task for me in two part, and did them oone by one. In this way the accomplishment of the first part had made me enthusiastic for the second part. And I simple couldn't wait to do my second task.

This worked for me. And I hope it will always work.

LIFE (is what we make it)

What is life?
A mess,not really
everybody says its beautiful.
But are they happy too??
What is happiness really??
May be success.
But when i strive so much why is it temporary.
May be im impatient.
How do I be satisfied?
And what should i search for?
Happiness,patience or satisfaction.
May be key is to develope all of them
Hidden inside is the origin.
Nourish yourself with love
Love for yourself
Believe in yourself
And trust for yourself
And if not greedy some for others.

I Dream

I am like a lost bird
in the sky filled with clouds
The shapes fascinates me.
inspires me to explore more
The fear of falling is strong
As i know the wings my tire soon.
But i push myself to reach the horizon.
Eyes are filled with dream
Dream to dare to try the impossible.
My strength of going is tremendous
Making a way for my ,carving my paths
in the unknown world.
I want to reach the new destination
To satisy me hunger
To satisfy my thirst
For the unexplored
and for the hidden that i dare to explore.

Remorse

I sat by the corner of my bed
With the ache in my heart
For the pain I had given.
I use to be morning light
He told me once.
I use to be fresh breeze
He told me twice.
And I use to be his asset
He told me always.
But i lead him for funeral.
The permanence of pain will never evaporate
The permanece of guilt will be eternel.
Life is evasive for what i ask
conflict between self denial or betrayal.
It leaves me weak
The funeral will be remainder
of righteous conflict.
Its memories will be resuscitated
Till the pain evanesence forever

Wanting you

As I try till my last breath
Too be right, you always take me wrong
With the blood draining from the memories
I’m left alone and weak to die.
But don’t want support
Don’t want any disgust.
With no more guilt in my heart.
For unsuccessful trials
You stay away।


With my head rested on my arm
I sit in the dark corner of my room
Feeling lost and lonely
Feeling innocently troubled
With nobody around
I just sit alone.
Waiting for a knock, or may be sound of your foot steps
But disappointment is what i hear
And It will prevail for ever.
I seek permission to dream
To fly way, to find my own world.
To do what I want to do.
But the chains of denial crab me,
strangling my neck as i try. 
Not able to move
I just scratch my skin.
It bleeds, but no one to care about.
I weep, but no one to soothe me.
They will dry on their own.
They will disappear.
I will be alone, just sitting in my room.

Sometimes

Sometimes I want to be a baby
With some fingers measuring my toes
Some making funny faces to amuse me.
And some keeping their fingers in my palm
Waiting for me to hold it.


Sometimes I want to be an old lady
Moving my finger tips on my wrinkles.
Measuring my happiness in the depth
Of lines around my lips.
Reaching the experiences of my life in the past
Remembering the incidences by looking at the scars
Taking small steps like a child
Walking till they halt.


Sometimes I want to be a mother
Feeling tiny legs and heart beats in my womb.
Feeling the pain as it moves every inch.
Feeling my skin just next to mine.
Feeling my blood out of my veins
Kissing what I will love the most
For the rest of my life.